Stop calling Me! 2
by J.S. Rivas
Summary: It's been 2 years since Roy had to deal with Hughes Phone calls, But now he has to deal with the same kind of hell again, Only this time it's not Hughes, He is forced on a Mission with Hughes. Rated T for Language, Strong Sexual Situations.
1. Prolouge

**Stop Calling Me! 2**

**Prologue  
><strong>

It's been Two Years since Roy Mustang manged to stop Maes Hughes from calling him too much. After the whole problem Roy life got a little complicated, But better. The downside is that all of Amestris know about his relationship with Riza Hawkeye, And the King Bradley has the Sex Tape in which he loves very much, Next is that after one of their time having sex, Riza Hawkeye is pregnant with Roy child, Then Maes now is very annoying only that he isn't calling, But is involve with setting up the wedding that Roy and Riza will have soon, And probably worst of all since Riza got Pregnant she is forced to retire and (Get this she choose Edward Elric as Roy new Bodyguard!) And both Roy and Edward hate it. But even with some of the bad luck he's having Roy got Promoted to Brigadier General, And loves his son that looks like him only his hair is more messy and he has his Mother eyes, And Roy gets to marry Hawkeye.

* * *

><p>But Roy is about to go through a brand of hell he faced before, Only that this time it's bigger than he suspected and it's not Hughes who's doing it...<p>

**RING! RING!**

_"Yeah Hughes"_ Said Roy

_"Mr. Mustang"_ Said an unfamiliar voice

_"Yeah who's this?"_

_"Frank Archer Numb nuts!"_

_"Oh Hey Frank what's up"_

_"Shut up.. God!"_

_"Okay..."_ Roy Said in a hurt voice

_"Listen I called you for a mission"_

_"Right now! I'm with my Fiancee"_

_"Shut up!... and get to the area I tell you to go"_

Roy went to a dark alley downtown, Waiting for the guys to get him. He heard foot steps and saw that it was his best friend Hughes...

_"Hughes?"_ Roy Said, Confused

_"Roy?"_ Said Hughes, Also not understanding the situation

_"You were sent here too?"_

_"Yeah d-did they call you too"_

_"Uh-Huh... Something ain't right here Hughes"_

_"Hey Guys!"_ A mysterious voice said

They turned around, Then...

**WHAM! WHAM!**

Both of them got knocked out.

* * *

><p>Roy and Maes woke up next to each other in a awkward position, Both of them freaked out and were wondering where the fuck they were until a voice came out of the dark...<p>

_"Hello Gentlemen" _The voice belonged to King Bradley

_"King Bradley!"_ Both Roy and Maes Said in unison.

* * *

><p><strong>The first chapter will come later, Please Review the story will be longer than the first.<strong>


	2. The Bastard, The Bitch, And The Horny

**Chapter 1**

**The Bastard, The Bitch, And The Horny Old Fuck**

* * *

><p><em>"King Bradley!"<em> Both Said Roy and Maes

As the leader of Amestris walked into the light. The whole place was dark, There were only 3 lights on; Just so the two would not find out the people hidden in the dark just yet. Both Roy and Maes stood up in shock to see it was Bradley.

_"Hello Gentleman, It's good to see you"_

_"King Bradley, You kidnapped us!"_ Roy Said, Scared and Confused

_"Yeah... What The Fuck"_ Maes Said

_"Relax... Guys everything will be explained"_ Said King Bradley

Both of them sat on the chairs, That one of Bradley men set up for them.

_"Now listen" _Bradley Said _"I brought you here for a Top Secret Mission"_

_"A Mission for what?"_ Roy Asked

_"Well..."_ Said Bradley _"Not so much as a mission; More like a few of them"_

_"A Few!" _Said Hughes _"Well how much are we talking about,_ _I mean; I have a family"_

_"Hey Me too you Cock Sucker!"_ Roy Yelled to Hughes _"But we still work here!"_

_"You didn't have to yell at me; I just want to spent time with my family!" _Said Hughes, Crying

_"SHUT UP GOD!" _Yelled Bradley, Both Mustang and Hughes quiet down

_"Look I cut straight to the point; We promoted you two, Because both of you are super helpful for the government and that we can use you two to... Ummm...Urrr... Get Rid... Yeah let's go with that, Get rid of some bad stuff"_

_"Oh so we are super cops!"_ Said Hughes

Roy punched Hughes at the gut

_"No you Dumb ass" _Said Mustang

_"KOFF! KOFF!... Oh yeah sorry buddy"_ Said Hughes, Which made Roy smile, That Hughes was using his brain _"We are_ _Secret Agents!"_

Roy just glared at Hughes, Trying not to swear at Hughes

_"Alright sure let's go with that" _Bradley Said, Then clapping his hands to turn on the rest of the lights.

Roy and Maes saw that there was man hiding in the dark the whole time. They were in a warehouse and it looked abandon for years.

* * *

><p>After a short drive with Bradley; Roy and Maes went inside Central Headquarters; And went in a secret elevator; That lead to their Secret Headquarters. Mustang and Hughes were amazed, It looked like The Men In Black Headquarters; Only that it didn't have Aliens walking around, However Roy and Maes notice there was Scrawny White things with One Eyeball; Wearing suits.<p>

_"What are those things; Are they even Human?" _Asked Roy

_"Those guys are not Human" _Said King Bradley _"They are artificial beings made for specific reasons"_

_"What for?"_ Said Hughes _"Like used to replace human soldiers_ _and use for an Immortal Army that will fight in wars; And to take over the world?"_

_"No you idiot; To make slaves for everyone, So you won't have to do annoying chores" _Said Bradley

_"So you guys still can't make robots?" _Said Roy

_"Sadly No, But we perfected cloning and genetics"_

_"Oh Cool!"_

_"Yeah, But these guys are still early; They are not perfected yet so look out"_

Just then, One of the artificial beings walked up behind Hughes; Smelling him and with it's mouth watering; Was about to eat Hughes, Until a scientist stopped it; By placing a lead pipe in it's mouth.

_"No! No!, You do not eat him!" _Said the Scientist

The Artificial being went back to work, Sad and with Hughes not knowing how he was almost Lunch. Bradley took Roy and Hughes to the big boss office.

_"Okay Guys, The Chief is in his office" _Said Bradley

Both Roy and Maes entered the office and saw a Gold haired man with a beard and they saw his Gold eyes.

_"Wow he looks a lot like Fullmetal" _Whisper Roy; To Hughes

_"Yeah No Shit" _Said Hughes

_"Hello Gentlemen" _Said the boss

_"Oh hi... Umm... Mister..." _Said Roy

_"Call me Father"_

_"Your my daddy?"_ Said Hughes, Roy elbowed Hughes in the face

_"No you R-Tard!" _Said Roy

_"I was only joking Roy... God!"_

_"Anyway"_ Said Father, Who was a little annoyed _"As you you guys will be sent in missions; That will benefit your country; On Safety, Economy, And Political; And in return you will gain Glory, Money, And a chance to be promoted"_

_"That would mean I can get closer to being Fuhrer" _Said Roy

_"Yes we know how badly you want Bradley Position" _Said Father

_"Okay so we are Secret Agents now" _Said Hughes

Roy just got really annoyed, If Maes becomes an Idiot one more time; Hughes would regret it.

_"Yeah... Sure let's go with that" _Said Father

* * *

><p>After the whole meeting Roy went back home; When he opened the door to his home; That he brought during Riza Pregnancy. He walked in to find his wife to be waiting for him and she looks mad.<p>

_"Where the hell have you been!" _Riza Said

_"Honey, What are you mad for?" _Said Roy

_"Do you know what time it is!"_

_"What like 9 p.m."_

Riza pointed at the clock; To Roy surprise it was 2 a.m.

_"Mind to expland Roy!"_

_"Aw hell honey I was only on a late meeting"_

_"Really... Is that right"_

_"Yeah"_

Then Riza notice the bruise on Roy's forehead; Worried, She walked to Roy to check out the bruise.

_"How did you get that"_

_"Ah... Urrrr.."_

_"Roy! Where in a fight and didn't bring Edward"_

_"No! No!... I just fell"_

_"Roy I stayed up worried about you; I thought that someone actually killed you; I thought Carter would have to grow up without a father"_

_"Riza... Don't worry so much, I wasn't in anything serious"_

_"It's just that I want you to be safe Roy!"_

_"I'm sorry, I had to go somewhere important; I promise I wasn't in a Fight"_

_"I'm just glad you're home and you are okay"_

Roy hugged Riza and rubbed her back to make her relax

_"Is little Carter asleep" _Asked Roy

_"Yeah I put him to bed two hours ago" _Said Riza

_"Alright then, Let's get some sleep okay"_

_"Okay"_

Roy carried Riza; Bridal style, And went to their bedroom

* * *

><p>Roy was asleep on his front while Riza fell asleep with resting her head on Roy's back. It was four in the morning and the bedroom only had light from the moon. There was Roy and Riza son Carter, Who was sleeping in his crib, That was a few feet away from his parents bed. Everything was quiet and peaceful, Until all of the sudden...<p>

**RING! RING!**

Roy woke up and slowly picked up the phone, That was at the nightstand next to his bed. He yawned as he put the phone next to his ear.

_"Hel- Hello?" _Said Roy

_"Mustang it's time for your first assignment" _Said Frank Archer

_"Already! It's four in the morning Frank, I'm with my Fiancee at the moment"_

_"I don't give a shit!; Just get over here!"_

Archer hanged up the phone, And Roy looked annoyed

_"Why does that guy have a problem with me anyway?" _Said Roy

Riza woke up and notice that Roy put the phone back

_"Roy what is it" _Said Riza

_"Oh, Hey didn't mean to wake you up" _Said Roy

_"Who was just calling?"_

_"It was Central; They need me for something important"_

_"It must be serious for them to call you this late"_

_"Yeah well... I have to go"_

_"I'll call Edward then"_

_"No No don't get him involve it's nothing serious honey"_

_"Alright Roy, Come back safe"_

_"I will Riza"_

Roy went downstairs and head for the door; Getting out of the house, Riza went back to sleep, Until Carter woke up crying.

_"I'm coming Carter" _Said Riza, Tired

* * *

><p>Roy and Maes were on the back seat of a Limo; Roy was smirking to himself about the job he got, He thought it was gonna be easy. Maes felt a little shy and nervous, He couldn't believe he was assigned to something like this. They both remember when Bradley told them about the mission.<p>

_"Alright listen" _Said Bradley _"Your first job is easy; All you have to do is play it smooth and you will get out of it okay"_

_"Okay" _Said Roy and Maes,In Unison

_"Alright now we are trying to get a rare item from Susan Archer" _Said Bradley

_"Frank little sister!" _Said Roy

_"Yeah that's right Frank Archer Sister"_

_"But does Frank know about this?"_

_"No, You see Frank Archer doesn't know that his own sister Susan; Has a Philosopher Stone"_

_"The Philosopher Stone!" _Said Hughes

_"That's what Fullmetal and his brother are trying to find"_ Said Roy

_"Yeah and we don't want someone who's not in our ranks to have it"_ Said Bradley

_"But why not tell Frank; I mean he's one of you guys" _Said Hughes

_"Hughes don't you know?"_ Said Roy _"Frank really cares for his little sister; In fact he's over protective of her; One time when someone tried to flirt with her; Frank shot the guy balls off and that's not a joke; I mean literally"_

_"Oh god" _Said Hughes

_"And we afraid he will warn his sister" _Said Bradley _"But most of all that he will kill Mustang"_

_"Why would he kill Roy?" _Said Hughes

_"Because Mustang will have to seduce Susan; To give him the combination for the safe"_

_"Whoa! Whoa!" _Said Roy _"Hold up Bradley, I have a Fiancee"_

_"Don't worry; You just have to make her fall for you; You won't have to kiss her"_

_"Well that's alright; That will be easy"_

_"And Hughes you will break in to the safe"_

_"Wh-Wait Me!; Hold on!" _Hughes Said, In a nervous voice

* * *

><p><em>"Just Relax Hughes"<em> Said Roy

_"I'm just nervous" _Said Hughes

_"You been in Ishbal bitch; This is kiddy shit for you"_

_"Damn listen to you; General fucking PAC-Man"_

_"Waka Waka"_

* * *

><p>They made it to the mansion and were got out of the limo. It was Noon and Susan always throw a party early. Roy and Maes went in; And Maes went to eat food. Roy just shook his head and tried to find Susan. He found her talking to her brother Frank; He walked to her and Frank notice Roy and didn't look happy.<p>

_"What the hell are you doing here Mustang" _Said Frank

_"Frank be nice; He's a general" _Said Susan

_"It's just that he was sent to do a job"_

_"Well I'm already finished with that" _Said Roy

_"Oh then... Fine just don't cause a mess"_

Frank lefted and went to work in Central Headquarters

_"Sorry about Frank: He can be a dick at times" _Said Susan

_"It's okay Susan" _Said Roy

_"So General what brings you here"_

_"Well I got back from a dangerous mission"_

_"Really!"_ Said Susan, She was excited to hear more

Roy smirked and thought of how easy this is gonna be. She was already putty in his hands.

* * *

><p>Maes was just stuffing his face. He didn't ate anything since he woke up. People looked at him like he was a pig. Just then...<p>

The song Baby by Justin Bieber was playing and everyone looked to see it was coming from Hughes pocket. Embarresed Hughes quickly picked up the phone and found out; It was a text from Roy.

**22-15-09**

Now that Hughes knows the combination; He can get the stone. Hughes knew where to find Susan room. He got to her Room and found her safe. In a few of seconds; Hughes opened the safe and found a huge stone, That was about the size of his head. He grabbed it, But Then...

_"Hey what are you doing here!" _Said a Strange Voice

Hughes turned around and found out who it was and he thought of how bad his luck got...

_"Oh... Hey" _Hughes Said, Nervous

* * *

><p>Roy was in a situation. Susan pulled Roy into her parents room, And put him to the bed. Susan was taking of her blue dress and Roy was a little turned on, When she got completely naked...<p>

_"Whoa Whoa slow down"_ Roy said, As Susan got on top of Roy _"What if your parents get here"_

_"Don't worry" _Susan Said, With a seductive tone _"They are at Xing for vacation, And they won't be back for 3 months"_

Roy was in shit now, It's not that he thinks getting laid with a hot 20 year old girl is bad. It's just that he's in love with Riza and he would be cheating on her if this continues. Susan always had a huge crush on Roy. He was one of Amestris most wanted men; If not then the most wanted man in Amestris. Susan always admired Roy since he first started his Military career and was one of many women that wasn't happy to find out; He was taken by Hawkeye.

Susan brushed her tongue across Roy's lips; As she unbuttoned Roy's Black Dress Shirt. She took in the sight of his bare chest. Roy thought fast and shift his weight; To get on top of Susan and Susan felt like she was in cloud nine; This was everything she dreamed... And Then she passed out. Roy was confused and got up, Until he found out that she passed out...

_"Damn... She is easy" _Said Roy

Then Roy heard gunshots and button up his dress shirt; Running out of the room to see all of the reckus. He saw Hughes running from Brigader General Grand; The Iron Blood Alchemist. Roy knew he had to get a get away car.

* * *

><p>Roy went to the parking lot and found a Red Ford Mustang; Hot wiring the car. Maes ran out of the Mansion and Roy was waiting for him; Hughes slide across the hood of the car and into the window, To the seat (Like Dukes of Hazard) Then Roy hit the pedal to the metal. With Grand chasing them with his own car.<p>

_"Where you get this car?" _Said Hughes

_"From the parking lot" _Said Mustang

_"Mustang driving a Mustang" _Hughes Laughed, Untl Roy punched him in the face

_"Stop joking, We are still being chased"_

Hughes saw Grand's car Chasing them

_"Oh My God, Doesn't he give up!"_

_"No come on man, We were at Ishbal with him, You should know"_

_"Well sorry!"_

_"What did you do to piss him off!"_

_"He found me getting the stone"_

Hughes showed Roy the Stone

_"God Damn it!"_

_"I know man, He thought I was gonna do something bad with it"_

_"This was to be an easy mission"_

_"We got to lose him"_

_"I'm thinking!"_

Roy turned the car around the corner; With Grand still chasing them. And Maes noticed a civilian...

_"What a minute is that!"_ Said Hughes

The man had brown skin and White hair and was wearing sunglasses

_"Oh Shit!, It's Scar!"_ Yelled Hughes

Scar saw the driver and noticed it was Roy Mustang; The Flame Alchemist. Roy turned left in an alley and Grand followed them. Scar hijacked a car and chased them. Scar catches up to Grand's car and slammed his car against Grand's to get him out of the way. Roy saw that it was Scar chasing them now.

_**"Bullshit! Bullshit! Bullshit!" **_Yelled Roy

Roy then made a U-turn; Only to see Grand heading straight for them. Grand fired bullets at them with a gun he transmuted. One of the hit Roy at the shoulder.

_**"AW SHIT!" **_Roy Screamed, In Pain

_**"ROY!" **_Yelled Hughes

Roy knew he had to get out of this fast; Seeing that Scar was behind them he had got the car in top speed, And head to Grand's car, While Hughes looked at fear, Wetting himself like last time.

_**"OH SHIT!" **_Yelled Grand

_**"OH SHIT!" **_Screamed Maes

_"Oh Shit" _Said Scar

Grand moved the car and by mistake, Shot Scar's car. Grand's and Scar's cars crashed into each other, While Roy and Maes drove away. Maes and Roy looked back to see Scar grab Grand's Head, Then killing him with his alchemy. Maes freaked out and puked out of the window, While Roy hold his down.

* * *

><p>They made it back to Headquarters and in Bradley's office<p>

_"Good Job men" _Said Bradley

_"Yeah; But Grand was killed by Scar" _Said Roy

_"We will stop Scar Men; I'm just glad you two are still alive"_

_"Yeah good... Can we Go?" _Asked Roy

Bradley let them leave

* * *

><p>Roy got back home to his Fiancee, That was finished cooking dinner.<p>

_"Welcome home Roy" _Riza Said, In a cheerful mood. It wasn't like her, But Roy liked it.

_"Hey Honey" _Said Roy

_"Roy what's wrong you look tired"_

_"It was just a long day at work dear"_

Riza noticed the bandage on Roy's Shoulder

_"Roy what happened!" _Riza Said, In Fear

_"It's nothing, Some idiot was messing around with a gun"_

_"Roy Mustang what's going on!"_

_"Nothing! Babe!"_

_"Roy! Is that lipstick on your neck!"_

_"No No Babe!"_

Riza marched straight to the closet to get something

_**"**__What Honey see... __**OH MY GOD! WHAT'S THAT!"**_

Riza was holding a whip and dragged Roy into their Bedroom, While Carter was at The Living Room watching his daddy being dragged off by mommy. Whip crack noise came out of the room and Roy screaming, Then a little crying from Riza, Then there was loud moaning. Carter couldn't understand by why mommy told daddy to be faster on what, All he knew that it made Riza Moan louder, Until it stopped

_"Honey can get some dinner now?" _Roy Said, In a Nervous tone

* * *

><p><strong>I told it would be longer, And I used semi colons for the first time.<strong>

**Alright next will be a bonus chapter, After I put one for Love and Destruction**

**Thieving Alchemist Thanks for being the first on to Review and add the story to your alert and to favorites. Please Review**

**One more thing I decided to be more tough and will put Love and Destruction on hold, After the next chapter, Until I get more reviews or more people put the story on alert.**

**God bless you all**


	3. What a way to work

**Stop Calling Me! 2**

**Chapter 2**

**What a way to work!**

After two days from Roy and Maes crazy mission; Both of them got some time off. Roy and Riza was planning the wedding. They were at their wedding planners house, Talking about what to wear for the wedding.

Pablo De La Hoya was his name. He is a strange man in all sorts and Roy didn't feel alright with him,For Roy always describe him as sketchy. Pablo wasn't the brightest bulb in the Christmas tree. He would always say anything with a question mark in the end of every sentence.

_"So Pablo, What do you think I should wear for the wedding?" _Asked Riza

_"Well... I'm thinking we should use white?, But different and with style?" _Said Pablo

Roy was smirking, He didn't think Pablo knew style. Roy would never say to Pablo's face, But he thinks that Pablo can't dress and that he should shave his mustache. Roy had a mustache about last year, But Riza made him shave it off.

_"What if we did it with feathers"_ Said Riza

_"I not sure honey, What if you look like a bird" _Roy Said, Joking

Riza playfully smacked Roy with a pillow from the couch

Ever since Riza was forced to retire, She hasn't been as serious as she was. Riza decided that she should be less serious now and act more like a housewife, Since she doesn't have to keep people in line now. (Except for Roy and Carter) Roy didn't mind it and besides; He always loved it when she said his name.

_"How about some gems?"_ Said Pablo

_"Too flashy"_ Said Roy

_"Okay how about black then?"_

_"Too Goth"_

_"Roy be nice!" _Said Riza

_"Okay how about this!... Your mother ass!" _Yelled Pablo

_"That your best comeback?" _Said Roy, Mocking Pablo

Riza got up and went to the kitchen to get a frying pan while Roy and Pablo were bickering, She went back to the living room and went behind Roy...

**WHAM!**

Riza knocked Roy out; Pablo and Riza continued talking

* * *

><p><strong>2 Hours Later...<strong>

Roy woke up in his house with a pain from the back of his head. He was on his sofa. Riza notice he woke up and put an ice pack against the back of his head...

_"OW!... Honey don't do that again" _Said Roy

_"Sorry... Honey" _Said Riza, With no remorse

_"Did you guys decide on what to wear"_

_"White dress with a flower print"_

_"... I guess that's okay"_

Roy felt something squeezing his legs. He looked down to see it was his infant son, Carter Mustang. He was hugging Roy legs...

_"Awwwww"_ Both Said Roy and Riza, In unison

They both loved staring into their son Amber eyes and his black hair. He looked like Roy, Unless he has his stern face, He looks like his mom with his Amber eyes. Roy was about to pick him up until...

**RING! RING!**

The phone was ringing and Roy was pissed. Riza picked up Carter and Roy went to the phone...

_"Hello?"_ Roy Said

_"Roy my boy!"_ Said Hughes

Roy was now really pissed off

_"What Hughes!, I'm busy!" _Said Roy

_"Alright listen... I heard a rumor that Sciezska has tapes about Frank, Arguing with his wife through the phone"_

_"Umm.. Okay"_

_"Anyway I heard the first one that got out and I was scared shitless"_

_"Come on, How scary can it be?"_

_"Don't get me wrong it's funny, But just scares you to think of what makes a man that pissed"_

_"Sure... Whatever Bye"_

_"What one more thing; The boss wants us"_

Roy could not believe it, It was really getting worse

_"Come on!, It my day off for Christ sake!"_ Yelled Roy, Riza and Carter both heard and Riza decided to take Carter back to their bedroom upstairs.

_"Hey talk to Bradley not me buddy" _Said Hughes, He hanged up and Roy marched over for his coat, Pissed at the fact he has to do another mission. Riza went downstairs to see Roy getting his goat...

_"You're leaving Roy?" _Asked Riza

_"Yeah, Someone screwed up and I have to fix it"_ Said Roy

_"Okay I'll call Edward-Kun"_

Riza got out her cell phone and was about to speed dial Edward, Until Roy stopped her

_"Honey it's okay; I'm just going to the office; Nothing more"_

_"No way Roy; Last time you ended up shot and I found lipstick on your neck; Now I'm gonna get Edward and he will watch your back; End of discussion!"_

Riza called Edward and he picked up

_"Sup! Hoe" _Said Edward, Acting Ghetto

_"What did you call me!"_ Said Riza, Mad at what Edward just said

_"Riza?... Sorry I thought you were Winry; I was just trying to act ghetto; What's up?"_

_"I need you to look after Roy"_

_"Can't that weak sauce called your husband take care of himself?"_

Roy got pissed after hearing Edward insult

_"It's important, The last time he went alone; He got shot in the shoulder"_

_"Talk about useless... Okay I'm on my way"_

Roy was fuming as Edward call him useless

_**"Small bean!" **_Yelled Roy

Edward overheard it and get mad, Riza put her cell phone away from her ear and prepared for the yelling

_**"WHO ARE YOU CALLING AN ITTY BITTY BEAN YOU HORSE ASS!"**_ Scream Edward

Riza press the 'End Call' Button; In 10 minutes Edward came in and Roy went out with Edward behind him

_"Be safe you guys" _Said Riza

_"We will" _Said Edward

_"That includes you Roy, Don't get yourself killed"_

_"I'll be okay honey" _Said Roy

As Riza went back inside the house, Roy went to the garage; Edward was about to go to the passenger seat, But notice Roy was sitting there...

_"You drive" _Said Roy _"I'm too lazy"_

Edward was nervous of what he said

_"I-I Can't I'm still in driving school" _Said Edward

_"Come on Fullmetal, All you have to do is turn left; Just keep going straight for 20 blocks; Then just turn right and you made it to Headquarters"_

_"Well... Ummmm... I-I-I"_

_"Just do what you learned at school"_

Edward went to the car seat and put on his seat belt, Turning on the engine, Still nervous he tried to remember what to do next...

_"Step on the pedal"_

_"Huh..."_

_**"Step-On-The-Pedal"**_

_"Okay... Step..."_

As Edward foot slowly pushed down on the pedal, His heart started beating like crazy, As the engine roared; Edward got more and more nervous and then...

_**"Will you hurry up!; I'm Late!" **_Yelled Roy

In a panic, Edward floor it and the car went like a bat out of hell. Riza looked out of the curtains. Her face was mixed with confusion and fear, As she saw Roy's car drove past the corner...

_"Oh God..." _Said Riza _"Why do I feel like one of these days,_ _I'm gonna have to raise our son on my own"_

* * *

><p>Roy's car drove at dangerous speed and he tried to take the wheel away from Edward, But with great fear Edward didn't let go. Roy cell phone rang with his Ring tone of Lamb of god 'Laid to rest'. He checked the Caller I.D. to see it was Maes Hughes calling, He press the 'Talk' Button<p>

_"Hey Hughes what's up" _Said Roy, In a fake cheerful tone

_"Roy where are you" _Whispered Hughes, To the phone, Sitting Frank Archer office _"Frank is getting impatient"_

Frank was looking at Maes annoyed

_"Sorry Riza called Edward to look after me"_

_"Roy we can't let Ed know about our secret spy missions"_

_**"For the last time Hughes!, We are not Secret Agent Men!"**_

Hughes left ear was in extreme pain after Roy's screaming

_"Listen Hughes" _Said Roy _"I'll be there in..."_

Roy looked up from his watch in shock, To see that Edward was speeding toward Central Headquarters. He screamed and drop his Cell Phone with Hughes trying to know what happened

_**"Give me fucking wheel Fullmetal!" **_Yelled Roy

_**"GO TO HELL!" **_Yelled Edward, Not knowing the danger they are in, Due to his extreme fear. Just then, a truck was lowering it's ramp and Roy's car flew off the ramp and over the water, With them about to crash into Central Headquarters...

* * *

><p><em>"Hughes where is Mustang!" <em>Said Frank Archer

_"Just relax Frankie, He's coming" _Said Maes

_"He better be Hughes or else" _Frank pulled out his gun _"Or else you are gonna lose a pair"_

Hughes gulped at the thought, Just Then a strange noise was heard

_**"AAAHHHHHHHHHH!"**_

_"What the hell is that Hughes!"_ Said Frank

**CRASH!**

Roy's car crashed right into Archer's office. Roy slowly got out of the car, With Edward knocked out, But with no injuries. Frank got up looking at the damage to his own office, With Hughes getting out of cover from behind Frank's desk to see it's Roy...

_**"Roy! What the fuck!" **_Said Hughes

_**"I'm sorry Hughes, Fullmetal just went out of control behind the wheel, He nearly killed us!"**_ Said Roy

_"__**Mustang! **__Is he alive!" _Said Archer, With Worry

Roy checked on Edward

_"Yeah he's okay" _Said Roy _"He just hit his head on the steering wheel, He doesn't even have a bruise, He got lucky"_

_"What the hell Mustang, You can't just-"_

_**"My Wife made me bring him!; She was worried about me!"**_

_"Oh wa wa, You get shot and your wife panics"_

_**"Gentleman!" **_Yells a unfamiliar women

The men turn to see a hot women with black hair and purple eyes. She also got a tattoo on her chest. Wearing office clothes...

_**"Archer! What is the meaning of this!" **_Said The Lady

_"Um-Um Lust! I'm sorry it's just that Mustang, Crash through my office and I think he should-"_

_"__**Mustang!... **__And Hughes are valuable to the boss and the government. Archer so I don't care if he screwed your sister, You don't touch him"_

_"But Ms. Solaris I-"_

_"Enough Archer or should we get you demoted to Major or probably to captain"_

Frank just gave a salute and walked out of his office

_"Wow so even Colonel Frank Archer has to answer to a Non- Military Person" _Whispered Roy to Hughes

_"Yeah to think of the irony" _Whispered Hughes

Lust walked up to Roy to shake his hand

_"Brigadier general Roy Mustang, It's a pleasure to meet; I heard a lot about your work in the military" _Said Lust

_"Thanks I'm proud to serve my country, Ms. Lust?" _Said Roy

_"Call me Solaris colonel" _Lust got a little closer to Roy, With Roy being confused _"You look cute for a general; Most of the Generals are old when they reach the rank of colonel"_

_"Well thanks that's very kind of you Ms. Solaris"_

_"How about me Ms. Solaris, I was LT. Colonel and was promoted two full ranks, Before Roy was-"_

_"You... I don't like stay out of this"_

_"Ouch Hughes rejected" _Said Roy, With a hint laughter in his tone

Lust took Roy and Maes inside Father office

_"Father will be in soon, Just wait" _Said Lust, Lust got out of the office

_"Hey Hughes, I think Solaris is coming on to me" _Said Roy

_"Why do you always flirt with every hot chick when you got a Wife to be?" _Said Hughes

_"__**Why!**__, Does everybody thinks that when a chick is making eyes at me; I'm flirting with them; When they are flirting with me?"_

Father got in the room and handed the boys the folder to their next mission.

* * *

><p><strong>Mustang gang was doing work until someone kicked the door open...<strong>

**Hughes: Hey Roy**

**Mustang: Go Away!, I'm Busy!**

**Hughes: Did you hear; Our first bonus chapter is next**

**Mustang: Oh cool!, When Hughes?**

**Hughes: After the next chapter for 'Love And Destruction'**

**Mustang: Oh this time longer?**

**Hughes: Yeah and our story will get updated...**

**Mustang: If...?**

**Hughes: If we at least get a review for this story, Or someone put Jesus S. Rivas to their Author alert, Or put this story on alert, Or if possible add The Author for one of their favorites.**

**Mustang: Or add the story to Favorites**

**Jesus S. Rivas enters the office**

**Jesus S. Rivas: Hi I'm the author as you may or may not know I made a goal to at least get one of my stories a 100 reviews and you could make that possible, You don't have to have an account; You can still review and so please.**

**Mustang and Hughes: Please help us reach our goal**

**Olivier Armstrong comes in**

**Jesus S. Rivas: Click the Review button and leave a comment to continue the story**

**Oliver Armstrong: OR I'LL FUCKING KILL YOU!**

* * *

><p><strong>Thanks to<strong>

**RizaSakura for adding me to your favorites list**

**Thanks to Theiving Alchemist For being first to Review, Please keep on Reviewing**

**And Kasaidon if you are reading this please review**

**Thanks to everyone else**

* * *

><p><strong>One more thing I'm having a poll for the bonus chapter come vote please<strong>


	4. Bonus Chapter: The Mask

**Stop Calling Me! 2**

**Bonus Chapter: Cuban Pete**

Based on the scene from 'The Mask'

**Go to youtube and play Cuban Pete while reading it will go great**

* * *

><p>It was 9:00 P.M. and Roy was waiting on a bunch for Hughes. Hughes was very late and Roy just got pissed off. Roy's was always late, But Tonight Hughes was more late than Roy was; Roy was only 20 Minutes late and Hughes is an hour late. Roy was sent on a mission to steal an important source of intel from a Cretan woman. The woman is a tourist, But in reality she's a spy. All Roy had to do was talk to the woman and show her around Central, While Hughes just take the Intel from her purse; While she was distracted. It seems like Roy just had to do it all by himself. Roy looked around and saw the Cretan woman. He notice that she was an attractive woman in her 20's. Roy always wondered why in ever mission that involves stealing something from a woman. It's a attractive young one and they always seem to be attracted to him.<p>

Roy got up and greeted the woman with a his casual smirk and kissing her hand. She blushed and looked away from him; Just to keep her cool. She never seen someone with Onyx eyes before, She thinks that he has some Xingese blood in him.

"Hello, I'm Brigadier General Roy Mustang" He Said, Friendly tone

"I'm Angelina Cook from Creta"

"It's nice to meet you, Welcome to Central"

"You too Brigadier General"

"Please call me Roy, There's no need to be formal" Said Roy, With a friendly smile

Angelina couldn't help but blush. She mostly focus of how the street lights just made a shine to his hair. She kept thinking on how silky it might feel.

After a couple of minutes Roy manage to get the Intel and hid it in his shirt, When Angelina wasn't looking. After the tour was finish Roy and Angelina said goodbye to each other. She had fun hanging out with Roy, But she needed to find a place to stay for the night.

* * *

><p>Roy went back to the park to see if Hughes arrived yet until...<p>

_"Hey you freeze!"_

Roy turned around to see it was Frank Archer

_"Oh hey Frank"_ Said Roy

_"Don't hey Frank me"_ Said Archer

_"Okay Colonel Archer"_

_"Do you know what time it is?"_

_"Ummm... No?"_

_"It's midnight"_

_"Oh crap! You don't say, My Fiancee is gonna kill me"_

_"We are gonna search you"_

_"What for Frank!"_

_"Because I want to Mustang. Carl search him"_

Roy was in trouble now and made a mental note to kill Hughes

* * *

><p>Hughes overslept after he ate dinner. He had his favorite and had a lot of it. He drove as fast as he could to the park, But it was closed. Hughes knew Roy was gonna kill him. He decided to stop by the late night ice cream store.<p>

* * *

><p>Frank was shock to see how many things Rot actually had in his pocket.<p>

_"A Rubber Ducky"_ Said Carl, As he continue to search

_"I have rights" _Said Roy

_"A Bazooka"_

_"I have a permit for that" _Said Roy, As Carl continued to search

_"OUCH!... Mouse trap"_

_"I brought that at the store"_

_"Sunglasses"_

_"For sunny days"_

_"A picture of Frank's sister"_

_**"What!"**_ Said Frank

_"Oh! Oh!" _Said Roy

Frank took the picture and saw it was one of Susan on her bed with lingerie, Making a sexy pose. He saw a written note by Susan

* * *

><p><em><strong>Call me lover<strong>_

_**593-984-1443**_

_**- Susan Archer**_

* * *

><p>Roy got the picture from Susan. Six Days from the incident in the mansion. He wanted to ran away, But Frank actually Handcuffed him, Just then Roy remembered about a small handcuff key He has in his sleeve. Just for a occasion for this...<p>

_**"SUSAN!" **_Yelled Archer

Roy just then unlock the handcuffs

_**"YOU SON OF A BITCH!" **_Yelled Archer

_"Hey I thought you have a sense of humor" _Roy Said, With a smirk _"Besides... She wanted it!"_

Archer was pissed off, He yelled and search for his gun. Roy then hit Frank and Carl in their faces like that little boxing punching bag. Roy hit them multiple times with fast speed. Both of them were stunned and Roy leaned in between them to whisper something in their ears.

_"That's gotta hurt" _Roy Whispered

Just then he ran away fast. He actually ran like in the cartoons with speed and smoke behind him. He made it to the front gate of the park and he closed the huge gate and like a cartoon. He board up the gate with Fast speed and put chains around the gate. He smirked to himself as he saw the gate completely closed. He turned only to see cops everywhere and pointing guns at him. Roy looked at the whole scene to also find 3 helicopters.

Roy screamed with his eyes popping out and his mouth becoming gigantic as his eyes like a cartoon.

* * *

><p><strong>10 minutes ago...<strong>

Angelina was at her Hotel room. Thinking about Roy, She snapped back to reality and checked her purse to look for the small USB chip that contains Intel. She was shocked to find out that it was gone and remembered that Roy at one time hold on to her purse. He stole it at that time. Angelina felt like an idiot, How could she fall for a simple trick like that. She called in other Cretan spies to informed them the Intel was stolen. They all tracked down Roy Mustang and disguised themselves as Central policemen.

* * *

><p>Roy was against the gate panicking, He was thinking of what to do. Then in a flash he came up with a great idea.<p>

_"Hit It!" _Roy Said

Just then the choppers turn on they spotlights to Roy, Just to see Roy wearing different Clothes than before. It was Cuban style, With A Black Hat, Blue Cuban styled dress shirt with a red ascot, Cream Colored Trousers, And Shiny Black Dance Shoes. He had a smile on his face with him holding Maracas. Just then music started to play and Roy is dancing around. Some Cretan spies started to move their shoulders to the music, But still regaining their focus on the task at hand. Frank Archer and his assistant Carl were climbing over the walls to see Roy dancing. He then started to sing.

* * *

><p><strong>Roy<strong>

_My name is Cuban Pete_

_I'm the king of the Ramba beat_

_When I Play the maracas_

_I go Chick chicky boom_

_Chick chicky boom_

_Yes sir, I'm Cuban Pete_

_I'm the craze of my native street_

_when I start to dance_

_Everything goes_

_Chick chicky boom_

_Chick chicky boom_

Roy then threw away the maracas and headed to a lamp post, Were to ladies were at.

_The Senoritas_

_They sing and_

_They swing with rumbero_

_It very nice,_

_So full of spice_

Roy then was swinging around the Lamp post, While two ladies was watching him in awe on how attractive he was, Then seeing the two ladies he tease them by shaking his behind to them. As one of them was about to touch his behind he flew off and landed on a piece of wood and used it as a seesaw to jump into the air and to grab on the lamp post and swing around it.

_And when they dancing_

_They bring a happy ring_

_that maraqueros_

_singing a song,_

_All the day long_

_So if you like the beat_

_take a lesson_

_from Cuban Pete_

_And I'll teach you to_

_Chick chicky boom_

_chick chicky boom_

As he was singing he approaced a female Cretan spy and with a with of his fingers, He got her mezmerized and she decided to just sing.

**Female spy**

_He's really a modest guy_

_Altough he's the hottest guy_

_In Havana,_

_In Havana_

Roy then got behind her and took the gun away from her to dance with her

**Roy**

_Si, Senorita I know_

_That you would like to_

_Chicky Boom Chick_

Just then all the Cretan spies had no more control and danced to the music

**Spies**

_It's very nice,_

_So full of spice_

Roy was on top of a cop car with the woman he was dancing with, He got a slap from the woman just for being fresh. Roy twirl her around and the spies got her, Roy then hopped on the hood of the car and to the floor. Frank and Carl made it to ground.

_"Not Bad" _Said Carl

_**"Shut Up!" **_Said Frank

**Roy**

_I'll place my hand on your hip,_

_And if you would give me your hand_

_Then we shall try-_

_Just you and I_

_I-yi-yi!_

_If you like the beat,_

_Take a lesson from_

_Cuban Pete_

_And I'll teach you to_

_Chick chicky boom_

_Chick chicky boom_

_Chick chicky boom_

* * *

><p>Just then new music played and Roy got everyone in a konga line, Then jazz music played and everyone dance. Carl started to get into it and dance to the rest of the crowd, Until Frank hold him back...<p>

_"You start dancing I'll blow your brains out"_ Said Frank

Frank walked to the nearest cop car

_"Give Me that!" _Said Frank, As he took a shotgun and blew a shot to the sky to get the spies attention.

Roy then lefted the scene and ran into Angelina who had a gun pointed at him, But Roy then kissed her and Angelina was lefted mesmerized. He notice a car stopped with Hughes head popping out of the window.

_"Roy! Get in quick!"_ Yelled Hughes

Roy got in the Car and Maes drove off with Frank shot the car until they were out of range.

_"Sorry I was late" _Said Hughes _"My wife made my favorite today"_

_"That explains a lot" _Said Roy

_"Cuban Pete!" _Maes Said, As he saw Roy's costume

_"Yeah as Cuban Pete"_

_"Damn it I would have loved to see every minute of it"_

_"Well maybe next time if I ever get stuck in a situation like that again"_

_"Can't wait"_

* * *

><p>Roy got home and was ready for his fiancee yelling.<p>

_**"Roy where have you been... And is that lipstick on your Lips!" **_Said Riza

Just then Roy took a hold of her and Kissed her, Riza tried to fight back, But gave in. Roy Stopped kissing her as she relaxed...

_"Honey I would never leave you for any one else, It's only kool-aid that's all, And besides if I did it would be the dumbest thing I ever did in my life" _Said Roy

_"I'm sorry Roy" _Said Riza, She smiled as she notice what he was wearing _"Cuban Pete?"_

_"Yeah from the Mask"_

_"That's a great movie"_

_"I know always will be"_

_"I wish you would one day take me dancing with that yellow suit at the club scene"_

_"Yeah one day we will"_

* * *

><p><strong>Hope you liked it and keep reviewing if you want to get to the next scene<strong>


	5. What are we Trashmen?

**Hey Guys listen at this chapter you will see a serious scene with suspense, The story will have Drama, Action, Romance, And Suspense**

**It will still have comedy**

* * *

><p><strong>Stop Calling Me! 2<strong>

**Chapter 3**

**What are we Trashmen!**

Roy and Maes were at a landfill, Digging through the trash to find some embarrassing photos of one Bradley's top generals. The truth was that one of the generals was with a hooker and someone from the media took the photos, Needless to say is that they took care of him, But not before he threw away the photos. It would be no problem; It that they went to make sure it's gone for good; Because the last time one of the generals were caught on camera and it was thrown away; A homeless person found it and it spread all over the news. Needless to say the general was fired.

Roy was pissed off. Why did he had to take care of the trash, He was a Brigadier General, A State Alchemist, And an agent for the government. What was he a trashman...

_"I Fucking hate this Hughes"_ Said Roy

_"Roy take it easy"_ Said Hughes _"They need to make sure it's gone for good"_

_"But why us! I was just having a good time with my son and soon to be wife"_

_"Hey I was enjoying time with my Gracia and Elisia too"_

_"Whatever let's just finish this soon okay"_

_"Fine Roy"_

They dig through the piles of trash. They dig for 3 hours straight until Roy had enough...

_"That's It I give up" _Said Roy

_"Come on man don't quit now" _Said Hughes

_"Hughes we are not trashmen we are high ranking military officers!"_

_"And Secret-"_

_**"FOR THE LAST TIME HUGHES WE ARE NOT FUCKING SECRET AGENTS!"**_

_"But we-"_

_"We are not like James Bond, You will never be Double O Seven, Not Men In Black, FBI, And Not Charlie Angels!"_

Roy taking in air from the yelling, While Hughes started to cry, Roy saw Hughes crying and felt bad...

_"Hey buddy don't cry I'm sorry for yelling" _Said Roy

_"Oh piss off Roy Mustang You Prick" Yelled _Maes, With tears

Hughes then threw a pile of trash and landed on Roy's face, He tried to stay relax for Hughes sake then he notice that the pile of trash was a large envelope and it said 'Hooker Photos'. They found It!...

_"Hughes! It's the photos!" _Said Roy

_"For real!" _Said Hughes

_"Yeah we found it!, We can go home"_

_"Oh hell yeah!"_

_"I wonder who is in here?"_

_**"What!"**_ Said Hughes, As he stopped dancing around

Roy was opening the envelope and took out the photos, He was stopped by Hughes...

_**"Whoa! Whoa! What are you doing!" **_Said Hughes

_"Looking at the pictures, What else" _Said Mustang

_"Whoa! Whoa! Dude don't"_

_"Why not, At least if I'm gonna crawl through trash, I might as well find out who's been naughty"_

_"Yo man don't you know that people need privacy"_

_**"OH! LIKE YOU DID BACK THEN!" **_Yelled Roy

_'What do you- Oh your still sore about that"_

_"Dude you sent out a sex tape of me and my Riza"_

_"It was 2 years ago Roy"_

_"It was seen everywhere at Amestris man"_

_"Just put the photos back"_

_"No way"_

_"Dude Major General Hakuro told us not to look"_

_"Fuck Haruko that hater can suck my dick, It would be the biggest he ever sucked"_

_"Wow you really got a huge ego"_

_"Oh god, You sound like my Fiancee"_

Roy looked at the photos and was surprised at who it was...

_"Hello!"_ Roy Said, In a high tone

_"What is it"_ Said Hughes

_"Look who it is"_

Roy turned the photo for Hughes to look at, It was the black general.

* * *

><p><strong>Author Note: Look I don't remember what his name is, But he was the black guy who called the radio station during the huge battle. If you guys know the name please sent me a message, So I don't have to call him 'The Black General' again.<strong>

* * *

><p><em>"Oh man it's the black guy" <em>Said Hughes

_"Maes Maes, It's African Amestrian Guy Okay?, It's the 21st century man behave'_

_"Sorry it just that I forgot his name"_

_"Yeah me too... Oh god"_ Said Roy, As he looked into a nude photo _"This advance the sterotype that black guys are longer"_

_"Oh god it makes feel less like a man"_ Said Hughes

_**'Oh my- Oh My g- OH MY GOD!"**_

Roy threw away the photos and burn them, Some photos were really disturbing. They didn't know if it was a fetish or something, The fact was it was sick...

_"Let never talk about that again__**" **_Said Hughes

_"Agreed"_

* * *

><p><strong>Back at Central...<strong>

Roy and Maes got to King Bradley office, After the whole landfill episode...

_"Mission complete boss, Double O Seven out" _Said Hughes

Bradley looked at Hughes with a questionable face then looking at Roy for the answer...

_"He thinks we are super secret agent men sir, He wants to be like James Bond"_ Said Roy

Bradley nodded now understanding

_"Alright Brigadier General Hughes you may leave, Mustang can I have a word with you"_ Said Bradley

_"Sure good night your Excellency"_ Said Hughes, He saluted and lefted

_"I notice that you aren't happy"_ Said Bradley

_"You can read me like a book Sir, I wonder how you do it"_ Said Roy, But not in a impressed tone or look

_"People would have been impressed or surprised, Your the first one who didn't get shocked"_

_"I was shocked back then at Ishval when I was talking to Solf J. Kimblee. He looked right through me"_

_"Where you close?"_

_"No most of us hated him, We just didn't like the fact he was enjoying his job too much"_

_"To be honest the generals thought they could control him, But with a man who even kill his own men, He was out of our grasp"_

_"Amen to that"_

_"Enough with all the small talk,Let's talk about you. Why do you not like your job"_

_"Your Excellency, I served my country so that I can not only protect the people I Love, But to also be a cornerstone for the nation of Amestris"_

Bradley looked at Roy with interest and smiled

_"So you want to change this country"_ Said Bradley

_"I want to do something that will really benefit our nation, Not get rid of any mistakes your foolish Generals make"_ Said Roy

Bradley laughed and got up to get 2 drinks for him and Roy...

_"I like you Mustang, When back at Ishval I saw you stare at me. I must say you looked past me and I see how you wanted my position"_

_"You read me like a book"_ Roy Said, With a smirk, As he took his glass of whiskey

_"I consider you like a son"_

_"I'm honored"_ Roy Said, With a surprised look at his face

They both toasted each other and drink their whiskey

_"I'll tell you one thing, I'll give you a choice"_ Said Bradley

King Bradley then took something out of his desk. It was 2 pills one was Blue and one was Red...

_"I'll give you the biggest opportunity of a life time, But you will have to choose to take it or just walk away from it"_

_"Alright I understand"_ Said Roy

_"If you take the Red pill, You will wake up; This will all be a dream; You believe whatever you want to believe. If you take the blue pill I'll take you to wonderland and so you how deep the rabbit hole goes"_

_"You took that from the Matrix"_

_"Look I don't give a damn about where it's from I like it okay"_

_"Fine Fine"_

_"Anyway If you take the blue pill, I will give you more important missions that will benefit your country, But will be more dangerous"_

_"I'm not scared"_

_"In doing so you will find out more about our secrets and you will be trusted with them, But if you rat out... Let's just say things will not be going smooth with us and that goes for Hughes too"_

Roy became a little nervous and knew he should not mess up this opportunity

_"Most important you complete all these missions and I will guarantee you that you will be the one to inherit my throne"_

Roy was shocked, The position of Fuhrer will be given to him just like that?

_"How old are you Roy?"_ Asked Bradley

_"Thirty One Sir"_ Said Roy

_"My My, Such a fine age, So young so young. Imagine it four years from now I will retire"_

Roy gasped in disbelief

_"And at the age of 35 you will be the youngest Fuhrer in the history of Amestris, Your son will be 5 Years old and he will be old enough to appreciate his father success, And Your loyal beautiful wife will be the first lady in such a young age"_ Bradley Said, As he got up and walked behind Roy placing his hands on Roy's shoulders

_"This can all be yours and you will get it with 100% guarantee"_ Said Bradley

_"But how will you do it? People will be doubtful that I can led the country"_ Said Roy

_"Roy let's be honest your the Hero of Ishval. It's a title that people know when they hear it, You are a man to be respected"_

_"I'm no hero"_

_"Don't be modest on me now boy" Bradley Said, With a laugh "You will be fine the people will love you"_

_"The brass, The Generals, And other people who are against me"_

_"Yes when you become the king, There will be men that will look at you with Envy and want your position"_

_"You have enemies?"_

_"Mustang when there's a man who sits on the throne, There are men who want to take it from him, My position was given to me and the brass are loyal to Father than to me, Besides I know some who would want to be Fuhrer"_

_"How will I get it without Generals thinking it was given to me"_

_"Roy it won't matter the generals will always be against you, But not if it comes from me"_

_"Like this all of it like this"_

_"When you finish the missions you will be given a new rank that will be created also assuring you to be second in command. It will be the Rank of Deputy Fuhrer"_

_"Deputy Fuhrer"_ Whispered Roy

_"Yes it can all be yours"_ Said Bradley

He went back to his seat

_"What if I take the red pill"_ Said Roy

_"Your quest for Fuhrer won't be stopped, But I won't simply give it to you and it will be longer and you will still be a trashman"_ Said Bradley

_"Something isn't right here, You give me this huge offer and I can choose to take it and get the position right away or just chase it on my own, But wait longer"_

Bradley looked at Roy's Eyes

_"Your telling me all of this, Because you are hoping for me to take your offer, Because you need me and if I don't take it then you will have to kill me" _Said Roy

Bradley eyes were wide open when Roy found out his plan

_"The red pill will kill me, But not the Blue pill. I would be the biggest fool to pass up on the offer"_ Said Roy

Roy grabs the blue pill...

_"I'll take the offer in one condition only"_

_"And that is?"_ Asked Bradley

_"In return you promise on your life that my Fiancee, My Son, And the rest of my family and friends won't get hurt and you will do nothing to them not even the Generals dare touch a single hair on their heads"_

_"I won't I swear to you that" _Said Bradley, Then he give his serious stare _"But if you turn on us then you have gave us a reason to"_

_"Then I'll make sure that I won't get on your bad side"_

He swallowed the Blue pill and in 10 seconds he passed out. Bradley got up from his chair and with a smile walked behind Roy. Roy slumped off the chair on the floor. Bradley stood on top of Roy...

_"You just made a deal with the devil Roy, I really hope that you will be a part of us, Everything was given to me and now I'm gonna give everything to you just for being helpful to us, But don't betray us now or you will suffer agony like never before."_ Said Bradley

Bradley clapped his hands and then a Doctor with a golden tooth came in with a grin. Bradley instructed him to inject something into Roy's head...

* * *

><p><strong>1 Hour later...<strong>

Edward had woke up since 2 hours ago. He tried to enter the fuhrer office to get Mustang, But was not allowed, He was worried Hawkeye would yell at him. He notice King Bradley walking to him. He stood up and saluted...

_"Hello Fullmetal Alchemist"_ Said Bradley, With a kind smile

_"Hello King Bradley" _Said Edward

_"Are you here for the Flame Alchemist?"_

_"Yes Sir, Riza Hawkeye his Fiancee made me his bodyguard"_

_"Oh well where were you the whole time?"_

_"I was forced to drive and I was still in driving school- Look Mustang made me do it! I panicked and crushed into the building and got knocked out"_

_"It's okay I won't press charges"_

_"Thank god... Is Mustang okay"_

_"Yeaahhh... About that"_

Just then two soldiers carried Roy body, Edward panicked not because of Mustang being knocked out, But of what Hawkeye will do if he finds him like this. He was slapping Roy face to get him to wake up...

_**"WAKE UP! WAKE UP! YOU BASTARD GENERAL!"**_ Edward screamed in panic

_"Edward Relax he is okay he just passed out"_ Said Bradley

_"But if Hawkeye sees him like this, She will bust a cap in my ass"_

_"Huh?" _Bradley Said, Confused on the slang

_"Then she will call the Po Po on me saying that I fucked Mustang Up"_

_**"Huh!"**_ Said Bradley, Confused and Annoyed

_"Then I'll go to Jail and go to the showers and drop the soap"_

_"What's the matter you can pick it up"_ Said Bradley, Confused

_"Then I'll be a butch ball querro punk"_

_"Who's Punk?"_ Said Bradley, Still confused

_"Oh man then I would try to get out and the Po Po will chase me and be popping with choppers"_

_**"Popping Choppers? What is this young man saying!"**_

_"Oh lordy lordy, I'll have to dutch my posse"_

_**"Posse!"**_

_"And I would never be able to make Winry my shorty"_

_"What! Oh I give up... Men just drop Mustang in his car and straightening Fullmetal out... And get me a Hip-Hop dictionary by tomorrow"_

* * *

><p><strong>30 Minutes Later...<strong>

Riza was at Home with Winry, They were getting along as friends and were playing Clue. Riza and Winry were talking about their problems with the boys...

_"I don't know"_ Said Winry _"I feel like Ed is too focus on his own dream"_

_"What's his dream?"_ Asked Riza

_"To have a dream"_

_"What?"_

_"Yeah Ed saying that he would like to be a rapper"_

_"That's why he been talking all Hip-Hop"_

_"Yeah and at times I feel like he more worried about it than me"_

_"Than you? You mean.."_

_"No and I tried to tell him before"_

_"Oh I see"_

_"One time when I tried to get in his Hotel room I hear him Rapping about having sex with different kind of girls and I ran away Heartbroken, Until I found out what he was rapping about wasn't true"_

_"You felt sad that you wasn't his first?"_

_"I thought he had sex before, Do you know that hurts a bit"_

_"No It hurts a lot"_

_"Oh... Roy wasn't your first?"_

_"Not by a long shot"_

_"Was he your first?"_

_"Sadly no"_

_"Oh.. Who was?"_

_"Some random white boy, Who acts black"_

_"Oh man was he your boyfriend"_

_'Sadly Yes... I dated him for a month only and I had 2 Boyfriends before that last longer then him. I heard about Roy had a one night stand with his Ex- Girlfriend Rachelle. And when I got home I cried"_

_"Oh sorry about that"_

_"Two days later, My boyfriend went to my house and we had sex, but he was nowhere good and it was his first time. And I just kept thinking about Roy when we had sex"_

_"Wow now I'm hooked"_

_"After that we broke up and 2 Years later when Roy was promoted to Colonel. He asked me out"_

_"No way!"_

_"Yeah and I wanted him to do his paperwork, So I made a deal with him that if he did his paperwork for the day we can go on a date, But if he did 2 weeks worth of Paperwork we are a couple, Because I wanted our relationship to be serious"_

_"And what happened, Did he refused?"_

_"No he actually did all of the Paperwork, 2 weeks worth and we were dating"_

_"Oh cool"_

_"Yeah and I remember 2 years ago when we first made love"_

_"Oh man how was he"_

_"He was so amazing of all the guys I could have had sex with, No one will ever beat Roy"_

_"Awwwww"_ Said Winry

Just then both Winry and Riza heard metal scrap against the pavement and saw it was Roy's car really damaged and heading into the garage

_"Oh god Roy"_ Riza Said, In concern

* * *

><p>Edward turned the engine off and was thinking of what to do, Just then Winry popped up...<p>

_"Hey Ed"_ Said Winry

Then Riza comes around and looks at the passenger seat with concern

_**"Where is my husband Edward-Kun"**_

_"Lt. Hawkeye- I mean Ms. Hawkeye"_ Said Edward

See saw Roy on the backseat still passed out, She rushed to Roy and tried to wake him up...

_**"Edo! What happened" **_Said Winry

_**"I don't know!, I panicked when I was driving and he made me drive. I crushed into Central Headquarters and was knocked out, Then I woke up and King Bradley came with two men saying he was knocked out"**_ Said Edward, Scared

_"Oh god he's okay, His heart still beating"_ Riza Said, In Relief

_"Thank the Lord"_ Said Edward

They carried him inside and lay him on the couch.

* * *

><p><strong>On the Next Chapter Of<strong>

**'Stop Calling Me! 2'**

Roy opens his door to see King Bradley

_"Sir? What are you doing here?" _Said Roy

_"Yo what up G"_ Said Bradley

Roy looked at him, With a face mixed with Confusion and Fear...

**Then..**

_"You should let me plan the wedding"_ Said Bradley, With a smile

_**"OH NO! NO!, Your Excellency it alright"**_ Said Roy and Riza, In Unison

_"Nonsense, It should be the best wedding fit for Royalty"_

He walked off and Roy and Riza looked at each other, Scared of what Bradley planning

**Then..**

_"Look Mustang I have a dream"_ Said Edward

_"What's your Dream?"_ Asked Roy

_"To have a Dream, To be a Rapper"_

Roy stared at Edward for a moment before laughing uncontrollably...

* * *

><p><strong>On the Next Chapter<strong>

**Thanks for reading and please review Or the story ends here. You will be sorry**

**I promise the next one will be funny**

**Thanks to everyone who has put this story on their alert and favorites list and Reviewed**


	6. Things get weird

**Stop Calling Me! 2**

**Chapter 4**

**Things get complicated**

"Wake up... WAKE UP!" Yelled Edward in fear

Roy was still knocked out for a good 4 hours and everyone was freaking out, Especially Riza since she was worrying about him throughout the entire day. Nobody seen really act like she's been for a while it's wierd...

"Ah-Ow..." Said Roy

Everyone in the room were shocked to find Roy waking up

"Roy!" Cried Riza

"Ri-Riza? where am I?"

"Your home as you should be and not at some trashcan"

"I get drunk at Hughes birthday party and fell off out from his window and, Land in a trashcan, And survive for some reason and you won't let it go"

"Just get up" Sighed Riza

Roy explained what happened throughout the entire day, But didn't remember much before he was knocked out...

"You are such a drunk" Said Riza

"I only had a shot he must have drugged me" Argued Roy

"Drugged you?" Said Edward

"Yeah..."

"The fuhrer drugged you for what?"

"Don't know maybe information... Memory wipe... Rape.."

"Whhaaattt... Man your mad crazy"

"It could happen"

"Geez you really got a huge ego" Said Riza

-Ding Dong-

Roy got up to see who was at the door. He open it to see Fuhrer King Bradley at the door...

"Sir" Said Roy "What are you doing here?"

"Yo wat up G" Said Bradley

Roy looked at the Fuhrer with a face mixed with confusing and fear...

"Edward you talked slang around the Fuhrer did You" Demanded Riza

"I freaked out and talked about jail and stuff" Said Edward, With guilt

"You know he gets encouraged with things like slang" Hissed Riza "He always trys to play it cool"

"Um... Okay... Hey player what's up" Roy Said, Going along with Bradley

"Shhiiitttt nuthin but a g thang home boy" Said Bradley

Roy again was freaked out and decided to just invite the fuhrer in before it got any creepier. Bradley came inside and everyone else saluted him as he went to take a seat...

"Anyway sir" Said Edward "What brings you here all of the sudden"

"Well homie" Said Bradley "I was just chill-"

"Please!" Begged Roy "Let's all just talk normal for now"

"Oh... Okay anyway I just wanted to see if the flame alchemist was okay, You really were knocked out"

"Yeah he was knocked out for a while, He just woke up 10 minutes ago actually" Explained Winry

"Oh that's good then anyway how is your son?"

"Oh my god!" Gasped Riza "I forgot all about Carter, He must have woke up by now"

Riza ran to her bedroom to see if carter woke up to her surprise Carter was up and well, But was coloring black hayate fur with green finger paint...

"Oh no no Carter Mustang stop" Yelled Riza

Everyone was looking at the door; Curious of the fiasco and it would continue until Riza came out of the room holding Carter with a smirk on his face like his father, and Black Hayate walking out of the room all green...

"What happened to Hayate" Laughed Roy

"It was Carter" Sighed Riza "He was awake for an hour and finger painted on hayate"

Carter giggled and Riza gave him a stern look

"Don't think your off the hook mister I'm mad at you"

Carter then played his card; He looked at square at the eyes and gave her his famous cute sad eyes look. Carter was no doubt adorable when he makes this look (What made it worse was he had Riza eyes from the first anime) and is Riza weakness...

"Oh no no no" Said Riza "Your not playing that card on me again"

But Riza resolve was already fading and at this Carter was winning. Everyone else was in awe of Carter cuteness and Hayate at this point just went to the bathroom; Hayate tried to snap Riza out of it when he did it many times before but never succeeded...

"Aw alright" Sighed Riza "But don't do it again"

Riza put Carter on the floor to play with his toys and Carter was smirking after another win...

"Your son sure is devious" Said Bradley

"I guess he got it from me" Explained Roy "I was devious as well and use my cuteness just to get my way"

"Your parents must have had a hard time"

"Well not really my parents were tougher than Riza with our son, They didn't fall for that trick but the neighbors did"

"Wow seem like you had a fun childhood"

"Well that until I was 13 then things started to be boring"

"Well I got to be going I'll see you in a week; I decided to give you and brigadier general Hughes a break before your next assignment"

"Oh well thanks sure"

Bradley got up and walked to the door he stopped at front of the house...

"Sir?" Said Roy

Bradley turned around and faced Roy and Riza who were standing at the door...

"Excuse me Flame alchemist and Hawkeye" Asked Bradley

"Yes sir" Said Roy

"I wonder if I can ask are you two planning for your Wedding?"

Roy and Riza were shocked that the fuhrer found out about the wedding; They didn't want him to find out Riza hasn't been wearing the engagement ring for that reason...

"You are aren't you?" Said Bradley, With a smile

"Um... yeah" Sighed Riza

"Why didn't you tell me this is huge"

"Sir" Asked Roy "How did you found out?"

"Brigadier general Hughes told me about and said you were planning it yourself"

"Goddammit Hughes I'll kill you" Whisper Roy, To himself

"You should let me plan the wedding" Said Bradley, With a smile

"Oh no sir It's okay really!" Said Roy and Riza, In unison

"Nonsense it will be a wedding fit for royalty"

Then bradley walked away, Leaving Roy and Riza in fear of what bradley is planning...

* * *

><p><strong>-3 hours later-<strong>

After the entire thing has happened Roy decided to walk to Hughes house since his car was took for repairs, However Riza insisted he went with Edward for protection...

"Why could we not take the lieutenant car" Whined Edward

"Because since you went and crashed the car into central command; She dosen't want me to drive it" Hissed Roy

"Hey you told me to drive"

"Oh don't worry I won't make that mistake again"

"Geez I don't understand why I have to babysit you"

"It's called guarding which frankly I don't need but my fiancee insisted since she freaks out everytime I'm not around"

"Just don't understand why she choose me"

"Me neither"

"I mean I'm busy trying to recover Al's body"

"Look I don't like it either but we have to get along just so Riza dosen't kill us and by the way isn't Alphonse searching for you?"

"He's at resembool right now with may; I don't know why"

"Well whatever the reason maybe I don't really... Okay we are here"

Roy and Edward enter the building and Roy knocks on Hughes apartment door with Hughes opening the door only to meet with Roy fist...

-WHAM!-

"OWWW!" Cried Maes "What was that for!"

"That's for telling Bradley about the wedding!" Yelled Roy

"You know it wasn't fair not inviting him to it"

"It wasn't about inviting him; You know he wants to plan the wedding"

"Well he's the reason it's happening in the first place"

"Alright we get it just relax" Interrupted Edward

"Anyway now he knows and he planning the wedding"

"Oh no that I'm no longer in charge" Said Maes

"Yeah and now he gonna make it into a huge thing now"

"Well that's good isn't it?" Asked Edward

"No it's not fullmetal It's terrible" Hissed Roy

"Whatever I'm not the one who blew the big secret"

* * *

><p>After the entire incident Roy and Edward went to a cafe not inviting Hughes because Roy was still sour. Edward was writing down something in a notebook he brought along, Making Roy curious...<p>

"Are you writing poetry Fullmetal?" Said Roy

"What! No" Said Edward, Embarrassed

"You are aren't you!"

"No it not and it's none of your business"

"**Hey everybody!**" Roy Yelled, Until Edward made his mouth shut

"It's not poetry"

"Then what is it" Said Roy, With a smirk

Edward gave up and handed the notebook to Roy; To Roy surprise it wasn't poetry but it rhymed...

"Is this rap?" Asked Roy

"Yeah.. It is" Sighed Edward

"Your a rapper?"

"Well yeah"

Roy gave Edward his notebook back and finished coffee; Leaving the cafe Roy became more curious of Edward dreams...

"Hey Fullmetal" Said Roy

"Yeah what is it?" Asked Edward

"What is your dream?"

"Why asked"

"Because I always thought your dream would be to get your brother body back"

"No that's a goal"

"Well why rap"

"Well look it's something I'm into"

"Really?'

"Look Mustang I have a dream"

"What's your dream?"

"To have a dream; To be a rapper"

Roy looked at Edward for a second before snickering was soon turned to uncontrolled laughter; Which made Edward face red...

"**Damn it! Bastard Colonel Stop laughing!**" Yelled Edward

"What do you want to be" Laughed Roy "Malibu most wanted?"

"wai- No"

"That what you want to be Malibu most wanted"

"**Sh-Shut Up!**"

"Oh god this is the best thing you ever told me"

"I said Shut up"

"Oh my god after all the crap I endured today you literally brighten my day"

"**Shut it!**"

And Roy kept laughing until he got home; Leaving Edward regretting telling Roy...

* * *

><p><strong>NEXT TIME ON STOP CALLING ME! 2<strong>

"What do you want Colonel" Hissed Edward

"Hey Resembool Most wanted" Said Roy "Get ready I got you a rap battle"

"WHAT!"

* * *

><p><strong>THEN<strong>

"I don't think I can do this" Said Edward

"You do fine" Said Hughes

Edward then rushed to a toilet to puke

* * *

><p><strong>THEN<strong>

Edward was rapping with confidence until...

I'm sorry y'all but I'm feeling straight Tyga

Resembool number 1

Hardcore-

"Ah no he didn't say that did he!" Said Roy

* * *

><p><strong>AND THEN<strong>

We take a look in a day in the life of Roy and Riza 'Little Angel' Carter Mustang.

* * *

><p>Message from Jesus S. Rivas<p>

Hey guys sorry I didn't write anything for a year now, But my computer didn't have internet and I write my stories on the computer, But I'm back and a lot has happened.

Anyway I'm back and sorry if this chapter material sucked I was trying to rush this as fast as I could.


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